pheonix. x3 (jilly03) wrote,
pheonix. x3

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its been a little more than 2weeks since we've been over. it seems so final; but i miss him so much. i dont do this any more. i havent done this in so long. when its over; its over, but this time its diffrent. i want him back.and i dunno whats wrong with me, I just do. and then yesterday he called.. and since im not allowed to use the phone my mom said i couldnt talk. I didn’t sleep at all last night. It was kind of hard to when I could take my mind off the fact that maybe, just maybe he missed me too. But of course not, it never works that way for me...i couldnt figure out why he called. i had hopes but i knew they werent gunna be true. We haden’t talked since we broke up. And i wasn’t planning on calling him back either. and then again today he called me. i heard his voice and i could think anything other than please tell me you miss me... so, your probably wondering why he called, am i right? Well he called because his mom told him i called. so i quietly said "no sry, bye”..and i hung up the phone. when he said bye his voice seemed so queit. maybe my problem is that i hope to much for things that can never happen. But I voice seemed as broken as his did faded. Its increadible what one person can do to you. from the moment my mom said kyle called I started crying. I thought maybe she said the wrong name so I asked her again. And sure enough the name was his. anyway, right before i said bye..i almost said i miss you, but i didnt and now what might have happend never will. The same mistake again.. and once again i'm left waiting by the phone hoping for him to call back and tell me he misses me and loves me and all that other crap that comes with it. but he wont. Because when he did he felt nothing. He felt as little as I felt a lot. I’m tried of being this grl who gets stuck with the same problems and feels and crap always end up with the same problems. And im tried of crying my fucking self to sleep because once again, i realize im not supposed to be happy. Before he called I was getting better. The every night crying had stopped. I didn’t think about him every spilt second of the god damn day. I was almost ready to move on! But then he calls.. and I cant help but miss everything I once had with him. I cant help not think about him.


*and to top it off, im never leaving my house again [thank you mom.] and I cant go online or use the phone any more. right now im not supposed to be on.
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