pheonix. x3 (jilly03) wrote,
pheonix. x3
jilly03

he juss keeps getting in the way..

have you ever had that one person in your life who, no matter how happy you are with someone else or how in love you are,all he has to do is say your name and you have to fight juss to keep holding onto what you have? well- doesnt it suck? and its like you know you juss cant do that because you know how happy you are with that one person but this guy- he always gets in the way and hes so happy with some else and you KNOW he doesnt feel the same but sometime even though your taken you wish that for juss on night you could be the one he's thinking of- the one hes holding when he's falling asleep. but you can't and you know it juss will never be-and that feeling in your stomach when he looks at you shouldnt be there, juss like that look in his eyes when they fall upon you...

i keep on thinking about someone i know i shouldnt be thinking about. i keep getting myself into deep with things i shouldn't even give a crap about. i keep setting my self up for these big falls and theres nothing i can do to change it. i try, i really do but he keeps getting in the way. he keeps reminding me of these things i should never have even thought about to begin with. but i keep on thinking about him-and i know he sees it in my eyes. i CANT keep thinking bout him, i'm so happy with kyle..but this kid, i cant get him off of my mind. liek, i like Kyle way too much to even be able to care about this other person; but for some reason i do. only a little, maybe, but i still do. And I hate it, on so many different levels, because I can’t change it. I don’t know how to change it. and I don’t want to ever lose what I have with kyle but these gotta be some reason this guy is on my mind. i don’t want to fall apart, not again; not so soon after the last time..and I cant say anything to kyle cuz..umm he’s kyle, and I don’t want him to take it the wrong way. But I needed to tell someone so I told y’all who read this.

But this isn’t the first time this guy out of no where has juss aPpEaReD.. and I don’t know. cuz he looks at me in this way that both of us know he shouldn’t be. I think im starting to realize, I’m one of those people who isn’t ever supposed to be happy. One of those people who always make the same mistake, over and over and over again. One of those people who promise them selves it wouldn’t ever happen again; but then it does. Maybe my problem is that I keep trying to change my fate, but once it sets its self in place, theres nothing you can do to change it. Everytime I think omg everything is finally how it should be, people like him have to ruin it for me. I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life, never mind the rest of the week. I’m with this person who is so perfect for me I cant even believe and for some reason, he sees it too. And right now, more than anything in the world, I’m afraid I’ll lose him. I over anylize everything. And I’ve been thinking maybe the reason I’m like this is because I’m a strong enough person, where as if it was someone else they’d be even worse. But what ever, I dunno what’s been going on with me.

**If anyone has good advice..leave a comment..or e-mail me. *julie+meg..thats mainly to you.. lol..i love you guys.**


Love You.<//3 jilLy.phoenix.
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